Swimming Soup.

What greater challenge is there in life that finding the perfect swimsuit? Particularly when your tummy is more substantial than your wallet, for a really flattering swimsuit takes a lot of excellent engineering and the finest materials available. My theory is that the folks in the 1950's had the right idea-- earlier on, ladies got arrested for indecent exposure for bearing their arms and legs on beaches, and the burkaesque swimming dresses of the time don't seem hydrodynamic, per se.

 Later on, Twiggy was around, spreading her curveless influence and all was lost. 

(Twiggy does the skinny thing well, I don't do it at all.)

What I'm saying, I guess, is that maybe the pinups knew how to do it in the era before 98 lbs. was the ideal weight. Therefore, I have spent a great deal of time in recent years seeking the perfect, Monroeish swimsuit-- something like this: 

Or maybe this: 

(Uh, is that Posh Spice? Maybe.) 

The problem is that there is not enough demand for such things for there to be reasonably priced versions of things like this, but as soon as there is, they will lose at least 42% of their allure. Story of my life, though. So far, I've found versions of these on Daddy-O's and at ModCloth. 

Naturally, those were all lots of money, so my temporary, mejum-satisfying solution comes from Old Navy and looks like this: 

(As I said, mejum.)

The bottom line? Perhaps swimsuits are more trouble than they're worth-- maybe the best solution is none at all...